Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Waxing Poetic About Wax Poetic


Hot wax.  Lady bits.  How is it that the relationship between these two things ever came about?  And is now part of the norm of life?  It makes no sense and yet...all the sense in the world.

If you're like me (and my poor friend Noris who had almost the exact experience years later) your first Brazilian wax was a traumatizing experience.  Not just because it's very invasive and embarrassing, but because in my case, a very aggressive Eastern European woman violated me so many different ways I didn't know if I should marry her or press charges against her.  And let's be realistic here, if I'm marrying anyone from Eastern Europe it will of course be Goran Visnjic.  

My friend recommended that I go and visit Larissa for my first Brazilian.  She'd been going to Larissa for years and had sent many other friends to "benefit" from her services.  Fancy salon, Beverly Hills, it all sounded so civilized...until I walked in the small mirrored room and Larissa shut the door behind me.  "Take off skirt. You wear underwear?  Take off."  I didn't know what to say, so I just did as I was told while she stood staring at me as if I was wasting her time.  "Get on table." There was no zen music, no calm explanation of what she was about to do to me, the room did not smell of cucumber or lavender.  "Put leg here." One big yank of my leg and I was open for business.  "Hold leg up."  There were hands...moving things around down there.  Hot wax and I were having a very intimate introduction.  "You want everything?" She asked this after about 90% of my lady bits were already everything'd.  I don't even know if I answered her.  At that point I was in a pain-induced state of delusion so when she said, "Get on hand and knee," - singular, but I didn't question her - I just did it without considering what was about to happen.

I mentioned the room was mirrored.  So as I'm being violated with leg here, leg up, on hand and knee, I can see myself and I can see Larissa and basically everything else from every angle.  I'm not joking that I left there feeling deflowered, in pain and, as a Brazilian virgin no more, a bit like a naked chicken or something. "Go to store.  Get cold water bottle.  Put between legs."  Really?  How about curl up in the fetal position and cry?  But yes, I'll hit 7-Eleven on the way back to the office because I'm sure it's office appropriate to have a cold water bottle shoved up against my lady bits for the rest of the afternoon.

That was my one and only visit to Larissa and as I type this I'm grimacing at reliving the experience. That was also my first introduction to ingrown hairs.  Once the Brazilian pain went away, the ingrown hair issue and subsequent pain took over so I stopped waxing.  Until I found Rosemary at Wax Poetic.

Wax Poetic is a very cool space in Burbank that consists of spa, salon, boutique and art gallery - which sounds weird until you go there.  They do everything from skin care to hair to makeup to VERY civilized waxing.  Another friend suggested that I go there - I must've had a few years distance from the Larissa experience because I made an appointment and went to see Rosemary.  The moment I walked in I was comfortable - the environment at Wax Poetic is very inviting.  Anytime you walk in a salon and think "this isn't for me" I suggest turing around and walking out or you may end up on all fours.  Rosemary took me in a room - that was not mirrored - and asked what I wanted, she told me about the different waxes for the different areas and she gave me the most civilized wax I've ever had.  She also gave me some tips to make things easier in the long run.

First, if you stop waxing and then start again, it will be as painful as the first time.  (I start and stop a lot because of my work schedule...and she's right.  It's painful.)  Loofah.  And actually, this also helps when you shave.  The loofah is a game changer.  Make it a regular part of your shower routine.  And then, this is the big one, Relax and Wax.  This is a product that eliminates shaving bumps, ingrown hairs, and most irritations after waxing or shaving.  They have creams and other products, but I swear by the roll on - it's always stocked in my bathroom cabinet.

If you're going to go to a salon and pay a good amount of money - for whatever the service is - you should be in a space that you connect with, you should be taken care of by a communicative person, you should have confidence in their abilities and you should feel happy about your service.
You should NOT be violated and spend the rest of the day with a bottle of Crystal Geyser shoved up your skirt.

Image Credits: yelp.com

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